TRANSCRIPT
Oh life, what surprises do you hold from me? What is ahead in the road of my existence? The reason I ask that is because looking at my life with some hindsight, there have been some real surprises.
I made a video once about how my life hasn’t turned out as expected, and it’s still true. It’s not turning out as expected. One of the things that’s been one of the most exciting things about my adult existence is that sometimes I had completely unexpected times, for no reason that I can put my finger on. A surprise happens. Some bit of magic happens where something happens that I totally wasn’t predicting, and it changes the course of my life.
What I have seen is the reason that seems to happen to me is that I’ve been doing the work all the time to make it happen, not even realizing that the magical moments, these magical surprises, were going to come. And what is the work that I have done? To me, it’s the work of all of the self-therapy, the work of grieving the traumas of my childhood, of getting away from all these toxic people from my family system, of loving myself, of learning how to love myself, of taking a look at who I really am and how damaged I was as the result of being in that family system.
And really studying myself, studying my strengths and my weaknesses, and really especially studying my weaknesses. I know in many jobs that I’ve gone to be interviewed for, they’ve asked, “What are your strengths and what are your weaknesses?” And I hate that question because why in the world would I want to tell a complete stranger who’s going to either give me a job or not what my weaknesses are? That person, that man or that woman who’s asking me that question has no right to really ask me that question. But on the other hand, they have power, so they can ask whatever they want.
What I’ve learned when I’m asked that question, “What are your strengths and what are your weaknesses?” is that I have to answer that question about my weaknesses in a very, very political way, a very sophisticated way that talks about something that they will think is, yes, it’s sort of a weakness, but actually really it’s a disguised strength. So actually, they’re asking a very manipulative question.
Even as a therapist, when I ask people, “What are your strengths and what are your weaknesses?” if I were to ask them such a question, it’s like I wouldn’t expect them to just bare their soul and share all their weaknesses with me until especially they really trust me and also they really build a strong relationship of trusting themselves. Because really looking at one’s weaknesses is a pretty hard thing to do. It can be kind of overwhelming. It’s not pretty.
So for me, something about looking at my weaknesses has been something that I have developed over time. I’ve gotten stronger at it. I’ve built up more of a strong foundation inside of myself, a stronger relationship with me to be able to look at my flaws and then to be able to do something about them, to change them, to see where did they come from, why do I keep them, why do I keep those coping mechanisms, why did I develop them in the first place? And by studying their roots, I can begin to get in there and neutralize them by working out the traumas that I went through.
But by doing all this process of really studying my weaknesses, studying my strengths, and then developing my strengths, becoming stronger, developing my skillset, also by having more courage in the world, having more confidence in myself, knowing what I’m good at, what I’m not so good at, going forward, taking risks, developing myself better, learning more through that whole process, I’ve become a bigger person, a stronger person. I would even say a better human being.
And what I think, based on what I’ve observed in my life and the life of other people, is the more that I do this, the more the world, in its own strange kind of karmic way, respects that and gives back to me. But it’s not always immediate. Sometimes there’s a long, long delay, and I don’t think that’s such a bad thing either. I think sometimes we have to learn to be better people, to be healthier people, for no reward other than just becoming a better person is its own reward in and of itself.
I want to be a better person just because that is my destiny. That’s who I want to be. Just because just being a better person, being a more altruistic person, a more healthy person, a more caring person, a more respectful person, a more honorable person, a more honest person, a more giving person, a generous person, that just in and of itself makes me feel better. And I don’t expect anything in return.
I think when I do that, especially I do that a lot for a long, long time for no reason other than that’s just who I am and who I want to be, and that’s what makes me feel good. As the result of doing that for a long time, the world does honor that, and the world does give it back. And that’s where the surprises come in. That’s where I can’t make it happen, and I wish I could. So often, I wish I could just make the world give me everything that I want, all my wishes that I pray for. I wish I could make them come true.
And sometimes, even when I was younger, much more especially, I would say, “Why isn’t the world giving me this?” I felt a lot more pity, self-pity, a lot more sense of an entitlement, like I’m doing the right thing, why aren’t I getting that thought back? Why are other people getting rewarded when I’m not?
Well, I think what life has taught me so far, maybe it’ll teach me this more, is the good things that have happened in my life come as a result of real deep, long-term, profound internal change. And that’s where life really is full of these surprises.
So I do wonder, where is my life going to be in 10 years? What surprises are in store for me? Oh life, what surprises will you give me? Will I go on living a long time? Who will I meet? What magical people, who in some way are on this similar path of growing and healing and being good and better? When will they come in my life? How will I interface with them? What magical things will happen to me?
And one thing that I have gained some confidence for along this way is that if I keep doing this, if I keep doing what I have been doing, more of these surprises will come. I can’t count on when. I can’t count on what they are. I can’t plan what they’re going to be. And even though I can’t fantasize and hope and pray for certain things that I want in my life, usually the surprises that come in my life, the magical things that happen to me, are beyond what I have the ability to hope for, wish for, or even expect.
They come in different forms. They come in different packages. They come at different times. Often, it’s the last thing in the world that I’m expecting. And for me, that is my reminder again that my job is not to hope and wish and pray, put it out into the universe, and you’ll get it back. No, instead focus on the inside, do my job, keep healing my traumas, and every day, to the best of my ability, do my work, have my courage, take the risks that I’m taking, putting out videos like this where I share things that, you know, sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes make people uncomfortable.
Just keep doing things like this, doing me, being me, being the best person I can be. And then let that be an end in and of itself. And then just, well, wonder, oh life, what surprises do you have in store for me?