TRANSCRIPT
If the system lies and you tell the truth, then you are a criminal. You break the rules of the system by being honest in a world of lies. Truth tellers are hated. They are alienated. They are pushed away.
And what system, what systems am I speaking of? Well, starting, I am speaking of the most important, most deeply embedded system in each of our lives: the family system. The child who speaks the truth is shunned and hated, physically attacked, often spanked for crying too loudly, for being too angry, for crying after they’ve been spanked, hit, shut down, put to bed silently.
When children start to piece together the truth of their parents, the lies of their parents, the lies that to one degree or other all parents have, that child is hated in the family system. That child is emotionally rejected, sometimes literally rejected outright. That child is dangerous to the parents. And in the family system, the parents are the leaders. Often they are the cult leaders. They are the king. They are the queen. They are the policemen. They are the judge and the jury. They are the senators and the congressmen who make the laws. They are the ones who determine what is right, what is wrong, what is acceptable, and what is criminal.
And the more troubled they are, troubled meaning more disconnected to truth, the more they are troubled, the more they will be threatened by someone who is not troubled. The more they will be threatened by someone who remains connected to their inner honesty. What a terrible dilemma for a child, for a baby to be born into a dishonest world.
And what happens to this baby? What happens to this child when they are criminalized? Well, they still need love. They still need nurturance. They still need food. They still need to be a part of this society. It is a basic need of every baby and every child to fit into their system, to fit into their family system. And so they compromise their truth to one degree or other. They push down their feelings. They push down their memories. They push down their knowledge. They push down their pain and hatred and rage for not being allowed to be true. And they become like their parents. They become like the system. They begin to reflect the values of the system. And if they don’t, it’s very, very dangerous for them.
Perhaps they will be so criminalized that they’ll just die or become mentally ill or become deep, deep addicts of something or other: drugs or any number of things that people can be addicted to, external things to be addicted to because their internal defense mechanisms aren’t working well enough. Their denial isn’t working well enough. They need something outside of them to help them push down their feelings and push down their truth.
Perhaps they will be put on psychiatric drugs by a psychiatrist. Perhaps at the recommendation of a therapist. Perhaps at the recommendation of their parents because they are expressing too many things, having too many feelings. And these feelings are criminalized by the mental health system as psychiatric diagnosis. Oh, this child is depressed. Well, maybe they’re just really unhappy about having to lie so much, about being in such a lying system, of being raised by lying people, being surrounded by liars. That is inherently depressing. It’s so painful. It’s a horrible, horrible feeling.
And so, they get put on drugs, get a label, get therapy that helps them push or forces them to push their feelings down further so they can be blank and numb. So they can be accepted, so they can be normal. Is this a punishment for their crime of being real? In a way, it kind of is.
Or they’re called ADHD. They can’t pay enough attention. They can’t concentrate. They can’t focus on the things they are supposed to focus on. Well, maybe they’re so distracted by the lies and by the pain and by the horror all around them and the horror inside of them and distracted by some call of truth of them that remains alive that they have threatened everyone and they’re no longer fulfilling their obligation as a student, as a growing young person who’s supposed to learn XYZ, learn all the BS and the horrible stupid things that they are supposed to learn in order to fit in.
And so they need to get drugs to shut other parts of them down and to cause them and allow them to focus on the things that they must focus on. Perhaps also a punishment for being a little bit too true, a little bit too alive, a little bit too hyperactive. Their memories and feelings and truth and desire to do what they want to do and what they need to do is too active. So, we need to close down that active side of them and focus them in another direction.
Or they have anxiety. Oh, they need to take medications for their anxiety. Well, maybe their anxiety is a last-ditch effort to let the truth out because it’s so stressful to hold it down, to deep down know that they are lying, that they feel the pain and the stress and the incredible torment of not being allowed to be true. And so that expression of their torment is criminalized and drugged.
And when they become more flat and become more neutral and when they sleep better, they make everyone feel better because they become rehabilitated. What a false thing.
And then the world is like this also. The school world. Oh, the people who are truth tellers do not fit in. They are criminalized in the school system and teachers become agents of the family system, agents of the society that reflects the family system and criminalizes the students who don’t fit in, who question the things that they are being taught and question the rules and the values and the mores of school.
Having to sit all day, having to learn this and this and this and not follow their passion and not be creative and not think outside the box. Instead, they must memorize and they must learn this even though they’re not taught why they should learn this or they are told why they should learn this, but the answer doesn’t necessarily add up.
How many of the most gifted students are crushed because they are criminalized in school? Their talents are criminalized in school. Their gifts are criminalized in school because the ideal of the school system is to churn out bland and average and psychologically numb people who just walk forward and become good workers and become good people who just do what they are told and grow up to go to college or grow up to get a trade and do what they are told and not question the system, not really question what they are being forced to learn, not question the books they are being forced to learn, the textbooks full of lies, the teachers full of lies, the parents and their teacher-parent conferences who are full of lies, the principals who are full of lies, the curriculum that is full of lies.
I have really gone off here. And why have I gone off here? Because it’s my story. It’s my story of having been criminalized from a very young age in my family system, in school, in university, on so many jobs. Did I learn to fit into a degree? Part of my survival was faking it. Faking it so they wouldn’t crush me, so they wouldn’t medicate me, so they wouldn’t destroy me, so they wouldn’t pathologize me more than they already did.
And even in a way, I faked it to myself because knowing the truth even in myself to some degree was dangerous. But deep down, at some unconscious level, some nexus in me, some deep little core in me was burning with truth and waiting for my time.
And when I grew old enough, when I figured out how to get a career that could allow me to become financially independent, intellectually independent, when I became healed enough emotionally so that I could parent myself and I didn’t need to run back to my parents for love. When I could find friends who could love me better than anything my parents ever did. When I got rid of the psychotherapists who unconsciously were on the side of my parents but wouldn’t admit that. When I got rid of so many of these bad people, I felt strong enough to speak the truth and I began to speak the truth. And what I am doing here is another expression of that.