TRANSCRIPT
So you’re 70 years old, and in a week and a half, you’re gonna be 71 years old. You’ve lived a long time. You were born in the 40s. You’ve seen the world profoundly change. What gives you hope?
Well, that’s a great question and one that I grapple with, you know, because the world is in such a mess for one thing. Also, some of the things that give people hope, like, “oh I’m gonna get the love of my life, and I’m going to get rich, I’m gonna get famous,” those things didn’t happen to me. Those dreams did not come true. But I realize I came true, and that gives me hope.
And also, I mean, if it’s just, you know, I have my moments of like, “I’m 70, almost 71, what’s gonna carry me forward? What new dream is gonna, you know, like I’m not gonna get a partner, I’m not, I don’t want a house in the country.” You know, all these kind of markers for people. I don’t think I’m gonna get a play on Broadway, and even if I did, most of the stuff on Broadway is junk to me, with all due respect to all the talents. It doesn’t say anything that deep.
So what gives me hope? And then I actually was thinking about it this morning. I was up at the Met Museum, which is this treasure trove of the world, world-class art and beauty, you know, depicting man’s evolution and creativity and thought. But I realize I’m not dead. I’m so alive. And where there’s life, not only is there hope, but there’s growth and there’s evolution.
And there’s an old adage from the 12 steps, it’s like, “life didn’t bring you this far to drop you.” So it’s kind of like I need to stay tuned. Life didn’t bring me to 71 years of life with this grand adventure that I’ve had, and I didn’t die. I grew through it.
What’s up? I ask life, “What do you want from me? What do you, what do you want from me? Here I am older, what do you want from me now? What do you want from me?” And I feel like the answer’s coming.
You know, when I was younger, I toured the world as a dancer. Big deal, it was great, it was fun, and then it ended. I thought, “What am I going to do?” So suddenly, I started writing plays. It’s like, where did this come from? And to support that, I was so broke, and a friend of mine said, “Oh, do you want to clean a church?” I started cleaning apartments, and he said, “Oh, do you want to clean a church?” I said, “Oh, okay, I don’t know what that meant.” So I went, and then for fourteen hours a week, I cleaned a church called The Repairman, and I got a steady income and health insurance. Can you believe that? Health insurance!
So suddenly, I had a work life that I didn’t even know existed, and I was supporting my writing habit of writing plays, and I got produced 13 times. So this was all like a rabbit out of the hat. Then also, I got fired from some cleaning jobs. You know, I had replicated my vicious family in these uptown people that I was cleaning for, trying to get these impossible people to love me, and I lost half my income. One day, I was like shaking. You know, two minutes later, I was teaching a writing class for at the church.
And then my dance teacher said, “Oh, do you want to substitute teach for me, movement for actors?” I’d never heard of movement for actors. I said, “I don’t know how to teach that.” She said, “Just come take my class and copy me.” Well, then I got a whole knack for it. I made up a whole way to teach movement for actors, and I didn’t know that existed. I loved doing it. I had no idea. I’ve been in the corner so many times in my life with no idea, and life said, “Hmm, how about this?” Suddenly, it was like I didn’t know this existed.
So as long as I stay humble and stay open and stay teachable at 71 years old, there’s something around the corner. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know what it is, but every experience in my life has led up to this new chapter that I’m going to write at age 71.
And would you say becoming a psychotherapist is part of that dream coming true?
Well, very definitely. You know, I see you have a very good point. They knew it was time to do this at 58 years old. So I’m sitting in the classroom with all these 20-somethings, getting my Masters in Social Work so I could become a therapist. I had internships, I did the whole nine yards. I took the state exams, which were harrowing. It was just very frightening, and I did all of that. But I think I took the last exam. I was in my early 60s. I was 63, so that wasn’t that long ago, actually. I took this last exam, and it opened up a whole new world. I could have a private practice, and I find it very rewarding to interface with people.
I do feel I’m ahead of my clients, but not that much, that I can still grow from them and learn from them. They catalyze my growth in a way. I still teach movement for actors and modern dance at a community college. I’m 71. I’m still physically teaching a physical art form. That’s amazing! But I do feel that both of those things, as much as I love them and find them rewarding, are secondary. There’s something still primary. Life has an element of mystery that I have to honor, and at 71, I think something’s cooking. Check with me in 10 years. I’ll tell you what that is.
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