TRANSCRIPT
So I’m gonna make a rather odd video, different from my other videos. This video is a video that I promised I would make if a certain thing happened in the world, and that certain thing happened two days ago. So here it is.
The thing that happened is, two years ago, slightly less than two years ago, I started a Patreon page. What I said when I started that Patreon page is, when I reach 50 patrons, I am going to make a video about how Patreon has affected my life. And what happened two days ago is I reached patron number 50. It was exciting because I had like never thought that day would come. In fact, I never thought I’d have five when I first started. But when I reached 50, I thought, okay, I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna make that video that I promised. So here it is: how has Patreon affected my life?
Part of why it’s kind of scary to make the video is I’m not really sure. Well, one way it’s affected my life is because I think it’s affected my life in a lot of different ways, and I think it’s affected my life in ways that I’m not really even conscious of. So that’s what I want to delve into. Also, here are the ways that I’m not quite conscious of.
The most obvious way that it’s affected my life is I’ve gotten money. I don’t know how much money I’ve gotten. I think I’ve gotten, over the course of two years, I think I’ve gotten a couple of thousand dollars. The easiest way to say how Patreon has affected my life is what I did with that money. Well, what I did with that money is I’ve traveled. I’ve used it to see the world much, much more. Most recently, I spent it on an airline ticket. Probably, probably I, on this last trip I took, I went to West Africa. I went to Gambia, the Gambia and Senegal. My airline ticket was about a thousand dollars, little, I think a thousand and twenty dollars, something like that. And then I spent another like $400, $500, and I gave some money to people I was living with. But it gave me a chance to go to West Africa, a totally different part of the world, somewhere I’ve always wanted to go to. I wanted to see what it was like. What is the culture like? What are the people there like? What is the language like? How would they be kind to me? Would they be accepting?
I just came back a week ago, and I would say that’s the most substantial way that Patreon affected my life. I saved enough money to be able to go to this place that was a dream of mine. I bought the visa to go to the Gambia. I got it in my passport. That cost a hundred dollars. And how did that affect my life? It expanded me. It reminded me yet again that the world is a beautiful place, that people are generally loving. When I put out positive energy, guess what? The world meets me halfway and more than halfway.
Why do I cry? I don’t know. I think it’s because I’ve met people there who were so different from me in just about every way, and yet they loved me. It’s like that’s not what I was taught as a kid. That’s not how I was raised to be. I was taught that the people who were supposed to raise me and love me unconditionally didn’t even do that. And yet I go to such a weird place, that’s a different continent, different culture, where people speak different languages. And yes, they respected me. And it’s like, why?
So did Patreon affect me that way? That’s totally not what I came here to say, but it’s true. And it’s like that little extra bit of money, a lot of money in a lot of ways, it really gave me an opportunity to see the world in a whole different way, to live with people who just live completely different: religion, different thought processes, different culture, profoundly different culture, different food. Oh, I don’t know. And yet underneath, not that different. Very respectful. These are things I learned. But this isn’t what I even came here to talk about. But I guess it’s true. This is how it affected me, and I thank the people who gave me money, who gave me this opportunity to do this.
Also, what I’ve learned by people giving to me is the best thing I can do is pay it forward. Making these videos is one way I pay it forward. Life has treated me well in a lot of ways. Life has treated me badly in a lot of ways. And what I’ve learned is take the good and give it back. Take the lessons from the bad, turn it around inside myself, learn how to make good out of it, learn how to stop making the mistakes that I learned how to do along the way, learn how to stop doing the bad patterns that I learned along the way, and use them for good. Don’t be selfish, be more generous. Don’t be dishonest, be more honest. Give back when somebody helps me. Be respectful when someone treats me badly. Don’t treat them badly back. Treat them with respect.
And guess what? A lot of people, when they first treat me badly, they’re scared. They have fears, they have misconceptions, they have prejudices. And when I treat them with respect, and when I treat them with honor and generosity and kindness, so many people change. And they’re respectful. They apologize. They become different. Maybe they’re not different to everybody, but different to me. And I’ve learned that again and again, people can be different. And I’ve learned again and again, fundamentally, humans are good. And that’s why it’s so sad what’s happening in the world with all this selfishness and cruelty and meanness and abuse and trauma and war and horrible economic policies. It’s not the best of humanity; it’s the worst of humanity.
And I see it again and again. Humans, deep down, are beautiful people. I learned it in West Africa. I learned it in East Africa. I learned it in North Africa. I learned it in Europe. I learned it in Australia. I’ve learned it in Asia. I learned it all over South America: kindness of people. And a big part of it is, for me, it is something that Patreon does. It’s like I give, and the world gives back. And you know what? The world gives it to me, and then I give it back to the world. It’s a very nice, healthy cycle. I’ve learned the cycle of generosity, and I have learned that about Patreon. Patreon has been another proof: give good in the world, and the world gives back to you.
And also, when the world gives me bad, don’t give bad back to the world. Turn it around and give good. And you know what’s happened as a result of that? My life has improved. I’ve improved as a human being. And also, all the bad ways that I’ve treated, learning how to change it, learning how to resolve my traumas. And the more I have resolved my traumas, the more I can break the cycle of abuse, break the cycle of selfishness, break the cycle of take, take, take, and instead learn how to give to myself and give to others. But to give to others not out of a hurt place, not out of a place of deprivation, but first to give to myself.
They say it, I fly on airplanes a fair amount now. Is that good? They, I know they cause a lot of problems in the world, but I do it because that’s the only way I really know how to get around. So what I’ve learned is when they say in the airplanes, if there’s a problem in the airplane and we lose oxygen, the oxygen mask is gonna come down. Well, if you’re sitting next to children, do not put the oxygen mask on the children first. Put it on yourself first. Make sure that you can breathe and get oxygen. And once you are breathing the oxygen, then you put it on other people. But first, you help yourself. And I’ve learned that in healing trauma: help myself first. And out of the surplus of once I’ve learned to give myself, once I learned to love myself, then give others. But really, let it begin with me in relationship to myself.
Hmm. And I’ve learned that as a good and valuable lesson. I’m sorry.
I cried. I didn’t expect to come in here and cry, so pardon me. I’ll probably block the sound out on this. [Music] Sorry, that’s nasty, but guess what? It’s real life.
And when I travel, also, I learned a lot more about real life. Always when I travel, one thing I’ve learned: eat with people, drink the water that they drink, eat the food that they eat, use the silverware that they—whoo—that they use. And guess what? Sometimes I get sick, and sometimes I throw up, and sometimes I have diarrhea. This is a real part of life. This is a normal part of life.
But you know what? It makes me stronger. It makes me more real. It makes me more honest. It makes me have to be honest to the people I was living with. People, more most recently, when I said, “I just need to let you know there’s no toilet in this house. I’m gonna have to walk outside to use the latrine. I might have to leave the house in the middle of the night, so don’t be surprised at 3:00 in the morning I’m running out to poo or pee.” And then I’m like, these are people often who don’t talk about poo or pee so easily. People who never lived with a white person before. They never heard a white person talking about making poo and having diarrhea and stuff like that. Sometimes didn’t even know the word diarrhea. I had to explain it or express, you know, poo and all this. This is part of the humility I’ve learned.
Just be a human being. Don’t hide and don’t fake it. And don’t be anything other than who I am. Be respectful of myself and don’t be ashamed of me.
But how is that connected to Patreon? I don’t know. Maybe I’ve gone off on a little wild tangent. But that money that Patreon gave me afforded me the opportunity to better learn these lessons about how to be who I really am.
What else has Patreon taught me? Hmm. I think having this Patreon account, it’s also been a very clear, concrete proof that the world does love me. That the world does honor someone who does something different. The world does honor artists who really try something different, who devote their lives to being who they really are. Because that’s what I feel. That’s the only thing I’m really offering the world.
Yeah, I offer music and I offer some different ideas, but I think fundamentally what I’m offering through my channel, through these videos, through my writings, through whatever I’ve done, I’m offering some sort of artistic reflection of who I am on the inside. And I think the patron does honor that. It gives—it’s one way of many that the world can honor someone who’s trying to do something different.
And I like the idea that people can do it. They can stop doing it. They can give more, they can give less, and really to me it doesn’t matter that much. I do appreciate it. I do like it, and I’m very grateful for it. And now that I’m two years into it, I think I’m gonna keep doing it, and I’m still grateful for it.
And well, I think that’s kind of what I came here to say. The fact it’s probably a lot more than I came here to say. And maybe, who knows, maybe another 50 people come on board. Maybe I’ll make another video. Maybe I’ll make that promise. In fact, I will.